Forgiving is like bringing in a cleanup crew for the damaged landscape in our souls after a relational storm. I am not offering a superficial treatment for mortal heart wounds…I offer all that God has shown me.” —Jackie Kendall
When a close family counselor labeled her family as “one of the top-ten most dysfunctional in America,” Jackie Kendall wasn’t ready to accept as her ultimate fate raising her own dysfunctional family. Jackie knew that even though two of her siblings committed suicide and others adopted self-destructive lifestyles, she could become a healthy and loving woman. Although she did not realize what a profound struggle this would be, she quickly learned that she had to develop a forgiving lifestyle. She found that you simply can’t love freely without developing the habit of forgiving freely.
Jackie Kendall’s book Free Yourself to Love: The Liberating Power of Forgiveness outlines the five most common excuses people use to avoid forgiveness, and she also shares her victory in the struggle to learn this vital life skill. One of the first signs of unforgiveness is counterfeit forgiveness, which includes:
Stoic numbness- a rush to forgive without taking the time to feel the trauma and pain.
Minimization- overlooking the wrong or minimizing the offense.
Psychoanalyzing the offender- explaining away foul behavior with excuses.
Holding one’s breath emotionally- putting on a face for others, to cover up hurt feelings.
Being an overachiever- trying to control the damage by being highly driven
Jackie wants readers to realize these signs right away in order to prevent a lot of heart ache in the future. Jackie states that “a Christian who does not forgive is an oxymoron,” and that as believers it’s best to model the life of Jesus when it comes to forgiving freely.
“We are called to forgive as our Father forgives: like Father, like son, like daughter…Love is one of the key characteristics a follower of Jesus should display, and forgiveness is a synonym for love,” says Jackie.
By sharing personal stories of not only heartache, but also of love and mercy, Jackie is able to guide readers to analyze their own hearts and see if they have chosen to truly forgive or if heavy resentment lies in the place of it. By labeling forgiveness as an “art form,” Jackie is able to teach readers the art it has taken her so many years to perfect. From learning to categorize offenses to identifying what is keeping you from forgiving, Jackie’s book leaves no rock unturned in the world of authentic forgiveness. Jackie explains that many are held hostage by pain and must identify the offense in order to work through the process of freeing themselves to love.
This book examines in detail the practical skills for learning to respond to unforgiveness. For those tired of being outwitted by the scheme of bitterness and resentment, Free Yourself to Love is the perfect tool to reach the point of loving freely.
